'Not to be harsh but if you're broke, why even bother coming?': 27-year-old demands friends bring a gift to her birthday, friends chew her out

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Feb 10, 2026 10:00 PM EST

Are you guaranteed presents on your birthday?

Everybody has a different relationship to their birthday. Some people would like the day just to go by without acknowledgment. They don't feel comfortable celebrating it for whatever reason, and they would rather just ignore it. Some people like to get together with a few close friends, and maybe blow out a candle or two, but they don't need all the attention on them. But other people, and you probably know at least one or two, want their birthday to be the most special day of the year.

 They want their whole week or even month to revolve around the celebration of them and their birth. Some people do this in a fabulous way and end up creating good times for everyone else Involved. Other people are kind of selfish and make everyone else do the work for them. If you're a person who really cares about your birthday, it's your responsibility to make that happen for yourself. Either that or you surround yourself with a group of friends who know exactly what you want and are willing and able to deliver it for you. What you can't do is expect people to read your mind and give you what you want without you expressing it. 

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  • A young woman holds a birthday present on her birthday
    via Vitaly Gariev

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Nobody likes a pouty princess at their birthday party, and you should avoid being one if you can. But sometimes it's up to your friends to call you out when you're behaving this way. That's what happened in the story. This woman was convinced that her birthday was the most important day of the year, and she wanted everybody else to treat it as such. But not only did she want them involved in the celebration, she demanded presents. Presents are obviously a key factor in birthdays, but they're not exactly something you can ask for. There's something that you can be grateful for if they come your way, but you don't want your friends to go out of their way to buy you something. Especially if you're young and you know that not everybody has the same access. Read on to see how this woman's friend handled her behavior.

  • Am I in the wrong for telling my friend she's acting out of line for telling people they HAD to bring a gift to her birthday celebration?

    This is so goddamn stupid but I'm actually wondering now. To start off, I'm a 26 year old woman. Everyone involved in this story has been part of my life. since high school. Yes, we argue like most friend circles but this was way bigger.
    via u/Successful_Exit_6990
  • My friend turned 27 a few days ago and had a birthday celebration I didn't end up going to because she was so entitled about it. One of the ground rules she set for this celebration was that everyone going had to bring a gift that day or they weren't allowed to be part of it. I had no issue doing this because I
    via u/Successful_Exit_6990
  • typically always make sure I do these things in advance but I found it pretty unfair to the people who a) bought stuff online and had to wait for it to be delivered b) were in difficult financial situations or c) some other reason. I said this in our group chat and her response was "not to be harsh but if you're broke, why even bother coming?" I told her "you're doing this at your house so I'm not sure why it's such an issue".
    via u/Successful_Exit_6990
  • We kinda got into it. She told me "if you guys are true friends, you would've remembered that your friend's birthday was coming up and gotten a gift on time". I asked her if someone hurt her feelings during her last birthday and if that was why she was inflicting this on everyone now and she
    via u/Successful_Exit_6990
  • caught an even bigger attitude. Some people were on my side and said it was pretty unfair and was putting pressure on people. Other people disagreed and said "if you don't have the money, just make something at home".
    via u/Successful_Exit_6990
  • Anyway, it was heated. She asked me if I was broke or something and I flat out told her I don't feel comfortable attending anymore because of her attitude. She just left me on seen. Some people were asking ME to chill out meanwhile my other friend texted me separately and told me she
    via u/Successful_Exit_6990
  • agreed and didn't understand why she was being unreasonable. Well, she had the party and texted the group chat saying "thanks to the people who cared enough to celebrate with me" along with a photo with the friends who went. I just opened the message and didn't say anything.
    via u/Successful_Exit_6990
  • Am I so wrong for calling that out? I mean personally, I don't care about getting gifts on my birthday. I've had people give them to me a bit later. Then again, I also don't care about gifts much. I just want to know if I was somehow rude and came off as uncaring. Like yea, people can make things at home but we typically just buy things. Am I the asshole here?
    via u/Successful_Exit_6990
  • A young woman celebrates her birthday while a man holds a birthday cake out for her
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Commenters gave their takes on the story.

    _bufflehead >we argue quite often as do most friend circles fyi - Most friend circles do not "argue quite often." NTA, but there seem to be so many stipulations to today's "friend groups." No one needs think this kind of nonsense.
    via u/_bufflehead
  • Successful_Exit_6990 Original Poster's Reply I guess what I meant was we argued but it was mainly stupid disagreements. Every friend group argues of course. Guess I should've phrased that better lol. You're right though!
    via u/Successful_Exit_6990
  • Counther Sounds like you've known her for around 10 years - is this the first time she's acted like this? If so, what's changed? NTA.
    via u/Counther
  • Successful_Exit_6990 Original Poster's Reply Yea I'd say so...can't really recall a time she acted this entitled which was why I asked if someone hurt her feelings recently lol.
    via u/Successful_Exit_6990
  • Fianna9 Info- what kind of party is she having? You say it's just at her place. Is it a casual BYOB or is she fully catering it? She sounds pretty rude to have an attitude of denying entry to anyone with out a gift- but if she's splashing out and spending a lot of money, than most people should be bringing a gift
    via u/Fianna9
  • Successful_Exit_6990 Original Poster's Reply This was super duper casual hence the reason I said "you're just doing it at your house" (what I meant). It was just a casual get together to celebrate.
    via u/Successful_Exit_6990
  • Actual-Bank3958 Yeah okay her being a brat specifically to you is reason enough to bow out. But I do think bringing up the matter publicly was the absolute worst way to go about it and put her on the defensive. You were an asshole for doing that, she was an asshole for the way she responded. And casual or not it's still weird as hell to not bring a gift to a party, even just a hostess gift. She shouldn't have demanded it, but kinda seems like someone or someones have been bad enough guests for h
    via u/Actual-Bank3958
  • Successful_Exit_6990 Original Poster's Reply Fair.
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  • Impossible_Rain_4727 ESH: I think demanding gifts is rude and tacky. That said, raising it publicly in the group chat made the situation worse. A private message to her may have avoided a lot of drama. Since you already had a gift, it did. not affect you personally, and you did not know if others were impacted either before you called it/her unfair. It felt like you were starting drama for no reason.
    via u/Impossible_Rain_4727
  • Successful_Exit_6990 Original Poster's Reply Ah, that's fair. I guess I just felt like I had to address it (maybe didn't do it in the best way) because her tone came off as kinda snobby and I was trying to look out for other people. I really do understand that perspective though.
    via u/Successful_Exit_6990
  • Successful_Exit_6990 Original Poster's Reply I didn't go because she resorted to calling me broke and being snarky lol. Now tell me why the hell | would wanna go after that. On top of that, she would deliberately go out of her way to ignore my messages every time I said something. I'll accept the judgement but she was being snobby the entire time and it rubbed me the wrong way. I understand that it wasn't a big problem for me (another reason I was overthinking about being the asshole because I m
    via u/Successful_Exit_6990
  • Actual-Bank3958 I'm mostly just stuck on the idea of not bringing a gift to a birthday celebration - unless specifically requested to not bring one I'd never show up to a party without one. My pearls are clutched. That this interaction even happened when she shouldn't have even had to think about saying anything is the weirdest thing to me. It's not weird to expect people to bring a gift to a birthday party but it IS tacky as hell to demand it, so I guess I don't really disagree that a gentle cu
    via u/Actual-Bank3958
  • Number-2-Sis NTA. You're adults not 12 year olds. I don't give my friends birthday gifts, They don't give me birthday gifts, not even for my 50th. They came to celebrate with me, that was my gift. I occasionally give my friends gifts and they occasionally give me gifts, but it's a "hey, I saw this and thought of you" kind gift. Gift giving at birthday parties, as far as I'm concerned end when you outgrow kids birthday parties.
    via u/Number-2-Sis
  • Large Scale3617 "If you're broke why bother coming" - she doesn't view ANY of your value besides your literal ability to give her things. I haven't gotten a gift from a friend in YEARS. Their presence in my life is their gift. RUN OP. When people TELL you who they REALLY are: listen.
    via u/Large_Scale3617
  • I-luv-sloths NTA. I have a feeling she would have turned away homemade gift givers
    via u/I-luv-sloths
  • donbyriver NTA you probably could have behaved a bit better when telling her what you thought, but your friend behaved in all respects like a jerk. She's 27 years old fer cryinoutloud, not 12. How adults have birthdays/parties/ gifts: 1. Plan a party 2. Invite your friends 3. As the host, treat them graciously. 4. Enjoy the companionship of your friends, and work to be sure they enjoy your companionship and that of the other guests. 5. Be grateful for any gifts that may come your way.
    via u/donbyriver

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friendship relationship advice best friends birthday friends listen to your friends relationships friend drama friend discourse conflict
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